This is written to be read quickly, at a bad time. Most of what feels urgent in the first two days is not. Very little has to happen immediately.
If you're reading this in advance: that's a good idea. Skim it now so it's familiar later.
Who to call first
If the death was expected and hospice is involved — call hospice, not 911.
This is the most important line in this article. Hospice has a 24-hour number, and a nurse will come, confirm the death, and handle the notifications. Calling 911 for an expected death can set off a resuscitation attempt and a police response, because emergency responders may be obliged to act unless the correct paperwork is in their hands immediately.
If the death was expected but there's no hospice, procedure varies by state. Call the doctor's office or non-emergency line if you have one. Have any out-of-hospital DNR or POLST/MOLST form physically to hand — this is the situation those documents exist for.
If the death was unexpected, or you don't know what to do — call 911. You will never be criticized for this.
In a hospital or care facility, staff handle everything. They'll ask which funeral home to call; you can say you'll ring back with a name.
Then: nothing has to happen right away
Once the death is confirmed, the pace is yours. Families often feel rushed by the presence of professionals, and it's usually unnecessary.
You can sit with them. You can wait for someone to drive in. You can take an hour. If the funeral home is pressing you to authorize things immediately, it is entirely reasonable to say you'll call back in the morning. Some traditions require particular timing — say so and it will be accommodated.
What actually needs doing in the first day or two
Call the funeral home or cremation provider. They arrange transport, usually within a few hours, and they will walk you through the next steps. If arrangements were made in advance, they may have everything already.
Tell the immediate family and closest friends. Ask one or two people to handle telling everyone else — this is the single most useful thing to delegate, and people want a concrete way to help. Don't post publicly until the people who should hear it directly have.
Order far more death certificates than seems reasonable. Ten to fifteen certified copies. The funeral home usually arranges these. Almost every institution — banks, insurers, pension, Social Security, DMV, brokerages, title transfers — wants its own certified copy and won't return it. Ordering more later is possible but slow, and running out mid-process stalls everything.
See to the immediate practical things. Pets need care. The house may need securing, especially if it's now empty — sadly, obituaries are read by people looking for empty houses. Perishable food, and any medications (many pharmacies and police stations run take-back programs; hospice will often dispose of controlled substances on the spot).
Notifications — first week, not first day
None of this is urgent, and mistakes here are easier to make when exhausted:
- Social Security. The funeral home usually reports the death, but confirm rather than assume. One thing to know: benefits are paid for the preceding month, and a payment covering the month of death generally isn't payable — money received afterward may need returning. Don't spend recent deposits until this is clear.
- Employer or former employer — final pay, pension, life insurance
- Life insurance companies — for each policy
- The VA, if they were a veteran — burial benefits, a flag, and possible national cemetery eligibility. Genuinely worth checking; it's frequently missed.
- Banks, brokerages, pension providers
- Health insurance, Medicare or Medicaid
- Their attorney, if there's a will
- Cancel what's running — home care agency, meal delivery, medical equipment rental, scheduled appointments, subscriptions
Keep a list of who you've contacted and when, with reference numbers. You will be asked to repeat this many times, and by week three you won't remember what you did on day two.
What not to rush
Don't distribute belongings. Even with everyone agreeing. Especially with everyone agreeing. This is where families rupture, and the objects will still be there in a month.
Don't make large financial decisions, close accounts hastily, or sell anything. Some accounts must go through probate, and moving money incorrectly creates real problems.
Don't sign whatever's put in front of you. Funeral costs are highly variable and this is a moment of maximum vulnerability. In the US, providers are required to give you an itemized price list, and you're entitled to decline packages and buy only what you want — including sourcing a casket elsewhere. Bringing a friend who isn't grieving is a reasonable thing to do.
Don't let anyone rush you into a service date. A later service that people can travel to is better than a fast one they can't.
Take help
People will ask what they can do, and most genuinely mean it. Have answers ready: bring food, drive someone from the airport, mind the dog, sit at the house during the service, make phone calls, print photos.
The person who was the primary caregiver frequently crashes hard in the days after — the structure that organized every day is suddenly gone, alongside the loss itself. If that's you, eat something, sleep if you can, and let other people handle a few things. If it's someone else, watch out for them; they may not think to ask.
Later
There's a long administrative tail — estate settlement, taxes, closing accounts — that stretches over months. It's genuinely tedious and it does not need to start this week.
For now, the list is short: make the right first call, let the funeral home take over, tell the people who need telling, and order more certificates than you think you need. Everything else can wait.